The wild way to get a ‘bikini body’ this winter
Have you seen those magazine stories about How to Get Your Summer Bikini Body? They’re one of the media tropes that never go away, like Celebrities Without Their Makeup, or Authoritative White Guy Talks.
They always make me wonder.
First up, the implication of these stories is that until you have that elusive Bikini Body, you’re not allowed to show yourself in one.
I say wear the damn bikini if you feel like it.
Secondly, I wonder – why wait for summer?
Why not just, you know, start trying to be the person you want to be right now, regardless of the season?
It’s terrifying to think you could be a shrunken old person on your deathbed, lying there thinking, “you know, I always wanted to get in the ocean more. I loved that. But I didn’t want anyone to mock me for the size of my arse”.
I spent years thinking, “I wish I was fit and strong” and “I wish I didn’t smoke” before I realised that if I wanted to become that person, I needed to start working on it now.
Being inhibited about your body is only going to slow this progress down.
Easier said than done, right?
What if you just put on your swimmers and hop right into the pool, where no one can see what you look like?
Swimming in winter is one of my favourite ways to stay fit and sane; it keeps my moods on an even keel. The pool is often peaceful and empty and no matter how I feel hopping into the water, I always hop out after a few laps feeling happier about life. I’m lucky to live near a heated, indoor 50 metre pool, so I can swim without getting sunburnt in summer and without being hit by horrendous icy winds in winter.
I couldn’t care less if people judge me and my body imperfect. I stake no claim to perfection. And I take great joy in swimming all year-round. Doesn’t everyone?
(NO! NOT EVERYONE TAKES GREAT JOY SWIMMING ALL YEAR ROUND, I KNOW!)
Top 5 Things You Shouldn’t Do All Year Round
- Hum Christmas carols at work. This drives people nuts and they will not give you a good Kris Kringle if they hate your guts.
- Carry an umbrella. Yes, you feel like you could spear a robber with it or impale a rogue vampire but unless you’re Mary Poppins, put down the damn umbrella.
- Wear singlets as outer-wear. Okay, I’m just including this as a note-to-self. If I could get away with wearing a singlet all year, I would.
- Wax. Give those hairs a chance to grow! Chewbacca will get lonely if he’s the only wookie in the village.
- Act like an entitled princess. Strictly birthdays and wedding days only. (YOUR OWN, not other people’s!)
That said, I do get my ‘bikini body’ out all year round and I love it. I have to confess though, that years ago I did feel a certain amount of bullshit body pressure – not so much to be model-thin but to cover up because I wasn’t. I’d look in the mirror and groan. I’d strategically shield myself with my towel.
It was not until I was pregnant for the first time that I abandoned the idea that I had to be lean and muscular (but not too muscular!) and bosomy (but not too bosomy!) and long-haired (but hairless!) in order to wear a bikini.
The criteria for a ‘perfect’ bikini body is crazy! Only a tiny fraction of the population can look like that, even if we try. THE REST OF US GET TO ENJOY OUR IMPERFECT, WONDERFUL LIVES AND CAN STILL HAVE A ‘BIKINI BODY’.
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