Why are my weights collecting dust?
I’ve got Mother’s Day sussed.
Here’s how it goes: After a fair bit of consideration, I buy myself a wonderfully thoughtful gift. Then I wrap it. Then I give it to my fella. He tells the kids he bought it. They then give it to me on Sunday morning and I act surprised.
It’s a roundabout way of getting what I want. If I left it up to them, we could end up revisiting the dreaded Chocolate-Flavoured Body Butter storm of 2008 which, via the UN Convention of Human Rights, was banned in most countries but somehow ends up showering down upon mothers every May like napalm. I’m speaking for us all when I say we would rather a candle scented with cabbage farts than any kind of “body butter”, chocolate or otherwise. Leave off!
In 2014 I contrived to receive a $26 Le Creuset oven mitt on Mother’s Day (which I then managed to set on fire within a week). Because a $10 oven mitt simply isn’t good enough!
Last year I thought I had it totally nailed when I bought myself some 5kg barbells.
They were blue and curvaceous and fit in my hands like Ryan Gosling fits into the small of my back when we’re spooning. (– Shhh, don’t interrupt please with your scepticism and negativity.)
Having spent a small fortune in the past on personal trainers, I know via these muscular paid friends that a lot of toning and strength can be achieved through lunges and light weights, sometimes a combination of the two. I know how to safely do these exercises. So my thinking was – why not spend around $35 just once, and always have the option do them at home?
Hooo, boy. Those weights, those cute, blue, Mother’s Day weights, they look at me every day, giving me the evil eye.
Honestly, I go to bed every night telling myself, “Tomorrow, I’ll do some weights tomorrow.”
In the year since last Mother’s Day, I have used those weights…twice.
They feel good, they’re the right weight, so why, for the life of me, do I never, ever use them?
I called up one of my old trainers, a gorgeous woman who was a bit like a mother-figure to me, and asked her about it.
She said for a lot of people, turning up at the gym can be like a sacred ritual. When you walk through the door of the gym, you literally walk into the zone. The absence of a ritual makes it harder to find the zone.
Here is her recommended plan of attack for working out at home.
1. Set a time
Just as you would if you were working out at the gym. Make an appointment to work out, then stick to it. Even better if you can make it a regular weekly time, say, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 6:30pm.
2. Prepare a space
If you’re working out in a room cluttered with dirty dishes and dog hair, you’re going to constantly be pulled away from your session and toward either cleaning up or going crazy with one of those fluff removers adored by wardrobe assistants and OCD people.
3. Remove obstacles
Keep the weights where they’re easy to grab. Maybe even leave them somewhere obvious. (“Like inside the fridge?” I said. “Don’t be an idiot,” she said.)
4. Add the workout to your regular life.
If you’ve got a favourite TV show, schedule weights during the ads and make it non-negotiable. You want to watch your show? Pump the iron.
5. Get a DVD
Finally, don’t be shy about getting some pre-recorded help. Whole industries exist of freaky-looking people exhorting to camera in lycra. If you try, you’ll find one you like.
Maybe you could even conspire to get your fitness DVD/download this Mother’s Day?
And look, if that doesn’t work out, how about a trusty box of chocolates? They’re foolproof.
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