14 signs you should change your diet
1. You think bacon is a food group
Come on! Bacon is great with eggs (healthy), good on a sandwich (convenient), cures your hangover (practically medicinal) and it tastes freaking amazing. If you’ve been (ahem, who, me?) indulging in a tad too much bacon, perhaps it’s time to go on a bacon ban. Don’t freak out! Try cutting down on processed meat for four weeks then try and eat it in moderation. No, that doesn’t mean every day. The opposite, in fact.
2. You go to the movies just for the popcorn
Don’t lie, we know what you’re up to when you go and see every single crap movie to come out on the big screen! It’s got nothing to do with the viewing, more to do with the joyous feeling of eating a large popcorn, a choctop and a packet of Maltesers all in the dark, where kilojoules obviously don’t count because heck, nobody can see you eating them.
3. You borrow the kid next door’s skateboard
Erm, to go to the KFC drive through. Come on, a Zinger Twister with a side bucket of chicken and a Golden Gaytime Crusher? I mean, you did skate there, right?
4. You barely eat at meal times
In fact, you’re never hungry for breakfast, lunch or dinner because you’ve eaten so much in between meals. Chips, muffins, those little chocolate jelly beans, what are they called? Chicos, ahhh, Chicos. Who has room for food? In your mind, you should totally be thin because you don’t ever finish dinner, but we all know the truth. You’re just leaving room for junk food.
5. Diet food is your best friend
Diet yoghurt, diet cheese, diet bread, diet biscuits, diet Coke, diet life. Besides making you feel so deprived that you binge on Cookies and Cream Kit Kat blocks, they are actually chock-full of processed crap and are doing you more harm than good. Eating the real, wholefood version of yoghurt, milk, cheese and a good quality sourdough bread will fill you up and stop you from binging on the entire loaf.
6. You crack it at a work meeting
Because you’re hangry, dammit. I’m talking to you, you juicing, detoxing, cayenne-pepper consuming fiend. Just. Eat. Real. Food. #jerf
7. Your office snacks all include one ingredient
Chocolate. And while we’re not adverse to a bit of chocolate in the Juice Daily office, it’s when your snacks include a giant block of Fruit & Nut, plus a pack of Double Coated Tim Tams and a value pack of Twix that you hide in a grey, plastic Coles bag, that you should probably think about mixing things up. A little. Come on.
8. Your drinks all involve flavour
That is, you never drink plain water. It’s either a soft drink or a juice or a strawberry Moove. And even your water is flavoured with cordial. Now, you know when you’re drinking cordial and you’re over 40 (or 30, or heck, 20!), things have to change.
9. You do meal replacement shakes
Like, instead of eating lunch, you just have a shake. That comes in powder form, out of a packet and miraculously turns into all the vitamins and minerals you need in a meal, in a convenient, processed liquid, this-is-not-food kind of way. It leaves you dissatisfied, hungry and doing a quick run to Macca’s at 8.30 before you watch the rest of Making a Murderer. So not worth it.
10. You don’t go out to dinner
Photo: @foodfixup Instagram
For fear you might break your diet, or overeat, or eat dessert, or fill up on bread, or because, again, you’re juicing. Really? The point at which we stop enjoying life to stick to a diet is the point at which our heart may stop beating. Get to learn what healthy foods are on offer and order them. Say no to the white bread. Order a side of veggies with your main. Do entree and main instead of main and dessert. It’s the good life.
11. You’ve progressed from a large to an extra large pizza
Photo: @girlswithgluten Instagram
Because, hangry. Try downsizing to a few pieces (I accidentally typed pizzas then, whoops!) and order a salad with it.
12. You’re besties with the corner shop guy
Are you the type to never buy chocolate or lollies from the supermarket in the belief that if they’re not in the house, you won’t eat them, only to make late night trips to your local corner store and scoff all the red frogs they have in stock at triple the price? Keep healthier snacks in the house and save your pennies (and your waistline).
13. You’re cold all the time
Photo: @a.healthy.nut Instagram
That’s what happens if you don’t eat enough food or have a super low carb diet. You might be at risk of giving yourself low thyroid function, which can equal cold fingers. Make a hearty warming soup with chickpeas or beans, or start having porridge for breakfast.
14. You still think cottage cheese is a thing
If you’re still healing hunger pangs with the runny low-fat cheese that you’re eating purely because it’s low-fat and you really don’t love it (and let’s face it, who does?), it’s time to move on. Ricotta is a much tastier, much more satisfying way to spread cheese on your sourdough toast.
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