How to buy a blender like a boss
The world of blenders can be a confusing place. In a time where Ninjas run free, and (Nutri) Bullets fly overhead without warning, one may be led to question their sanity (and perhaps their love of Bruce Lee).
My sister recently encountered a blending conundrum when her appliance (that shall remain anonymous) broke down for the second time in just a few months. Yes, this is a first world problem, but I have a sneaking suspicion that my sis and I aren’t the only avid smoothie buffs out there who have experienced the trauma of finally committing to your morning green smoothie, only to have their dreams shattered by a less than obliging blender.
It’s not me – it’s the blender
To help my sister restore her dream and regain her green smoothie goddess crown, I agreed to play wingman upon returning the offending blender – for the second time.
There’s a certain level of emotional support needed when returning a purchase the second time round; the smug looks from the shop assistants, the fraudulent innuendos like ‘Let’s get her purchase history up again’, and let’s not forget the pressing questions insinuating that perhaps you – not the appliance, are the problem. We kept our heads high as the questioning began.
Isn’t this the second time you’re returning this blender?
What exactly are you blending?
So it just stopped working?
You know I see blender punks like you every day, right?
Broken blades and empty promises
We stand by patiently with our hearts in our hands, waiting for the assistant; let’s call him Bob, to put bad boy blender number two to the test. Damn these bad boy blenders with their persuasive language, promising the world and then always falling short. Damn you for giving a false sense of security by romancing vulnerable smoothie-going sisters with words like: ‘maximum nutrient extraction’ and ‘lifetime guarantee’ – only to be left yet again, picking up the pieces of a broken blade.
Blender, you promised me smoothies – I’m left with pulp. You said it was forever – it was only two months. I thought you’d be there for me – but your blades are as blunt as your emotions (not sure if I’m now talking about blenders or my love life.).
How to stop dating bad boy blenders
It all comes down to research. Experience has taught me that if you want to break the vicious cycle of returning your electrical appliances, you’ve got to put in the groundwork to build a solid purchase foundation.
Ladies (and smoothie-going gents), we simply must search deeper than the latest Instagram post of the newest bikini-baring health poser (I mean ‘health professional’, uh-huh), and we’ve got to look past the glaring shine of bleached teeth and orange-toned fake tan on the home shopping network.
Nutri Ninja vs NutriBullet vs Vitamix
After much soul searching, it all boiled down to a choice between Ninjas and Bullets being thrown into one very confusing mix (yes, we’re still talking about blenders, not our preferred action flick).
I’m not going to lie; the return-purchase expedition with my sister nearly tipped me over edge. We were pretty much splitting hairs to choose between these three little guys on the short-list.
ALL have various upgrades to choose from, so as the price goes up, so do the features: size, attachments and motor power.
ALL come with the multifunctional, travel-friendly cup that serves to both blends and serves your smoothie. This allows those who are time-poor to literally blend and run.
ALL claim to deliver paramount nutritional extraction from your fruits and veggies.
NutriBullet: am I making breakfast or going into battle?
The Rico Suave of blenders, I’d say he’s the handsomest of the bunch, definitely the easiest on the eye out of the three. As much as we were swept off our feet by the Bullet’s streamlined silhouette, we called for backup to help make an informed decision.
Blender date subject: Olivia: 37, mum-of- two
“I was given my NutriBullet Original 600 Watt as a gift,” Olivia says. “I use it roughly once every fortnight, for smoothies or blending biscuits for cakes/slices for the kids. I love it because it’s very easy to use and clean, as there are minimal components – which make it perfect for time-poor mums!”
Blender crush: Her royal Duchess Kate Middleton has reportedly been a NutriBullet fan since 2011, when she is said to have embraced a fruit and vegetable cleanse in preparation for the royal wedding.
Rating: 8/10 “The NutriBullet lost two points because sometimes the blades get stuck, and I have to physically shake it to get it blending again.”
Vitamix: the mac daddy of all blenders
This big guy is great for people looking for a long-term commitment. It’s also fab for those who want to make a range of goodies, with various modes specially designed to deliver precise textures: chop, grind, puree and wholefood juice (smoothie).
Blender date subject: Bianca: 33, no kids or buns in the oven at this time (just smoothies chilling in the fridge)
“Washing and chopping daily isn’t my thang, so I make a big smoothie batch in my Vitamix Professional Series 500 to last me up to three days, by storing them in airtight glass jars in the fridge,” Bianca says. “This cuts my prep and cleaning time down, as I’m only revisiting the smoothie-making process every three days.”
Blender crush: Celebrity nutritionist, Kimberly Snyder is an avid Vitamix fan and queen of the Glowing Green Smoothie. Kimberly says that your smoothies will keep for a few days if stored correctly (as opposed to juices which oxidise quickly), especially with the use of a citrus.
Rating: 9/10 “The Vitamix lost one teeny tiny point because it is quite loud, (which is to be expected from a blender); however, if they create a version that whispers sweet nothings in my ear – it will be a 10/10.”
Nutri Ninja: I’m not sure if I’m about to blend or kick some serious butt…
We had both read of the Ninja, a mystical being somewhat fusing various elements of both the Vitamix and NutriBullet. With a swift karate chop, the Ninja stole my sister’s blending heart.
Blender date subject: Lil sis: 29, aspiring mum-to-be
“I liked the fact that the Nutri-Ninja® with Auto IQ BL480 had three blending modalities: blend, pause and crush (for those times I get inspired by the Masterchef finale),” she reveals. “It’s super easy to use and quick to clean; I simply drink my smoothie in the cup that I blend, and then wash the blades. This is really handy because I use it every morning to make a smoothie for breakfast before work. Thank you Nutri Ninja, for helping me to regain my green smoothie mojo!”
Rating: 10/10 “If it could magically clean itself, it would have been 11/10!”
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