Do you have a sugar hangover?
I was doing so well all month with eating and exercise that I actually started feeling different. You know that feeling when you feel healthier and stronger and you kind of want to do high karate kicks as you’re walking down the street? I had that. But then I had an Easter chocolate blow-out of Hemsworthian proportions.
It was gross. I ate past the point of feeling full to where I was feeling actually a little bit sick and then kept eating until I reached the territory of “Well there’s actually no point stopping now, the damage is done and I’m feeling quite miserable and it’s like being stuck on a sickening ride that I can’t get off oh dear God somebody help me, take it away, take it away!”
Did it happen to you? It was like my hands and mouth stopped communicating with my brain and stomach and I became some sort of automaton, a joyless chewing, swallowing machine.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my family usually ships out for Easter, leaving me alone to completely ignore the holiday. For the last six years I don’t think I bought a single chocolate egg. It’s been blissful, (a bit like that one time when you’re 23 and refuse to do Christmas). The long weekend comes and goes with a swim and a couple of runs and maybe a bit of hard rubbish sorting and some sexy email deleting.
This year I had the full family catastrophe, meaning I was excited (and expected) to grill vast quantities of non-denominational hot-cross buns every morning, and find a plausible excuse to avoid taking everyone camping.
Top 5 excuses for avoiding camping on a long weekend
1. “Asians don’t do camping” (note: This only works if you are Asian).
2. “My psychic said she saw snakes in my future. Deadly snakes. Deadly poisonous snakes.”
3. “I’m allergic to sleeping bags.”
4. “I’d love to go camping but I can’t because, oh look over there, is that Hugh Jackman pulling someone out of a rip?” *sound of footsteps running*
5. “I can’t go camping unless by ‘camping’ you mean ‘camping at the Shangri-La with a $200 room service budget’.”
For the first time in years I also had to get acquainted with the Easter Bunny, and here’s where I think I came unstuck:
Instead of making do with Aldi chocolate and last-minute servo eggs, I allowed myself to be hypnotised by the alluring treats on offer at fancy chocolate shops. Those displays are so lovely and desirable they’re like being hugged by Nigella Lawson while Justin Bieber strokes your hair. It’s actually not right. I was sucked in. So when Sunday morning rolled around there were delightful crispy eggs poured from fine coverture chocolate hidden around the garden, lovingly embraced by fluffy yellow chicks and toy bloody rabbits! See, I feel sick now just thinking about it! Because I couldn’t leave those chocolates in the hands of unappreciative children and husbands, they have no idea and it would have been a terrible waste. After everyone else had gone to bed that night, I had to have some quality time with those chocolates, just me, alone with my melty brown loot.
As the cocoa dust settles, the lesson is learned. Next year – only buy chocolate that offers no temptation whatsoever.
… Except for maybe one little treat that I buy specifically for myself, something small and elegant. I deserve it.
The expert says: Clare Collins, Professor in Nutrition and Dietetics at the University of Newcastle.
If you spent Easter eating and drinking to excess, so lots of chocolate, junk foods and alcohol, then you would expect that you do not feel 100%.
It is a bit like if you mistreat your car, for example you put dodgy fuel in the petrol tank, or put the wrong type in and then you overflow the tank, then you don’t top up the radiator fluids, and forget to check the oil. If your treat your body this way then you get the same result as if it was a car. It just not performing well and might even break down.
To get back on the road, start by improving the fuel. You can learn more about the basic foods your body needs at the Eat for Health website.
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